K9 Officers Inform, Entertain

Orlando Police Department K9 Officers Shandley and Russell, along with Russell's partner Raptor, gave a presentation at the Washington Park branch of the Orange County Library Monday, June 22.

Approximately 50 people, mostly children, were there to hear the presentation and learn more about the perils and pleasures of K9 duties.

Shandley explained the dangerous nature when he apologized for his partner Roscoe's absence. Shandley said the night before, Roscoe was chasing a "bad guy" through a forest when a branch scraped Roscoe's eyeball.

Shandley later expounded on the hazardous duties of the dogs. "Half of our dogs find drugs, the other half finds bombs. They all chase bad guys," he said after the formal question-and-answer.

Russell demonstrated that some fun could be had when she produced a toy for Raptor, which he eagerly chomped down on. Russell then swung the 80-pound dog around in a circle, resulting in squeals of delight from the children and a big dog grin from Raptor.

"You could give him a tennis ball, a soccer ball, a basketball, whatever," said Russell. "He's happy."

During the question-and-answer period after the officer's presentation, Russell showed another "trick" Raptor could do: "I can tell him to speak without talking," she said. Russell then cupped a hand to her ear and Raptor dutifully barked.

These dogs are specially trained, and not every dog has the right stuff, Shandley said after the formal session.

"They're major-leaguers," he said. "Private security needs dogs, too, and they pay better than the police, so it's getting harder and harder to find good dogs."

Still, the perks of living a dog's life are there. "Our dogs get taken care of better than any other employees," Shandley said.

Playoff Potential: A preview of the 2009 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have posted consecutive 9-7 seasons. One (2007) was the result of resting starters after locking up a playoff bid. The other (2008), was the result of an embarrassing string of four straight losses and a fall from first in the division to third and no playoff berth.

For fans of most teams, the burning question "Will my team make the Super Bowl?" starts hitting call-in radio shows sometime around the third week in February. For Lions fans, the burning question is "Is there room on, say, the Rams' bandwagon?" I've gazed deep into my crystal football, examined tea leaves, and slipped and fell in the shower, hitting the soap dish with my head on the way down and emerged from a two week coma to bring the Bucs' faithful my preseason prognostications.

Drum roll, please.

The Buccaneers will not make the Super Bowl in 2009, but they will make the playoffs. Let's see why.

1. An Improved Running Game

Football experts from Vince Lombardi to the local high school coach will tell you football games are won and lost in the trenches. It's a cliché, but it's true.

The Bucs' offensive line retains big maulers in Davin Joseph, Jeremy Trueblood, Arron Sears, Donald Penn, and Jeff Faine, plus key backups. They are joined by new draftee Xavier Fulton.

Take their intensity for the game and their willingness to deliver a big hit on an incoming defender and combine it with new offensive coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski's zone blocking scheme, and you're already looking at a recipe for success.

Toss in former Giants running back Derrick Ward (182 carries, 1,025 yards, 5.6 average in 2008) to the already-powerful mix of Earnest Graham and a healthy Cadillac Williams and it should be full-steam ahead for the Bucs backs in 2009.

Still not convinced? The Giants ranked No. 1 in rushing yards per game last year with 157.4. Nos. 2 and 3? NFC South rivals Atlanta and Carolina respectively.

New Orleans is now the only team in the NFC South not running zone blocking on their offensive line. Look for them to hang around the bottom of the rushing list as they did last year.

2. Defense Still Dominates

Let's go to another cliché to explain this one: defense wins championships.

Tampa Bay's No. 1 defense proved that decisively in their Super Bowl XXXVII win over Oakland's top-ranked offense.

New defensive coordinator Jim Bates has defensive credentials out the ear, which will help mitigate the post-partum depression caused by Monte Kiffin's departure.

Bates' defensive schemes emphasize man-to-man coverage, which will help ball-hawking cornerback Aqib Talib improve on already-impressive rookie stats (23 tackles, four interceptions).

New head coach Raheem Morris hails from a defensive background as well. His first season as a coach in the NFL was with the Buccaneers in 2002, where he studied under then-defensive backs coach Mike Tomlin.

Astute readers will recognize Tomlin as the head coach of the NFL's stingiest defense (237.2 total yards allowed per game) last year.

Still not convinced? The players picked in this year's draft show the continuing commitment to defense.

Defensive tackle Roy Miller, defensive end Kyle Moore, defensive end turned offensive tackle Xavier Fulton, and cornerback E.J. Biggers are bookended by the only true offensive players chosen: quarterback Josh Freeman and wide receiver Sammie Stroughter.

3. Dumb Luck

Let's be honest, it's difficult to predict the outcome of a week of NFL football, let alone an entire season a full three months before the preseason begins.

And as long as we're being honest, I don't think it's unrealistic to expect a little luck propelling the Bucs to a 10-6 record and a Wild Card spot in 2009.

So, let's have a little fun and make some dumb luck predictions.

1) Luke McCown, who has shown flashes of semi-brilliance in his limited playing time, wins the starting slot in training camp and finishes the season with a quarterback rating in the top 10. This comes mainly from high-percentage, short-yardage passes across the middle to new tight end Kellen Winslow.

2) Michael Vick is reinstated by the Falcons. Arthur Blank finds it easy to give Vick a second chance. Not so for PETA, however, as their protests block every stadium Vick is slated to play in, forcing the Falcons to forfeit all of their games.

3) Turnovers. In some ways the dumbest of dumb luck opportunities, Bates' emphasis on containing the run and creating turnovers should create more opportunities for the greatest of sights in the NFL: a 300-pound defensive lineman scooping up an errant football before lumbering down field for 26 yards and a touchdown. It warms the heart just thinking about it.

Still not convinced? The Buccaneers play in Buffalo for the first time ever in 2009. You know what else happened for the first time ever recently? America elected an African-American President.

Anything can happen, Bucs fans!

After shaking off my fever dream of realistic optimism, I quickly sank into catatonic pessimism.

Before me in my mind's eye I saw the hopes and dreams of a franchise laid to waste.

Here, then, are three reasons the Buccaneers will not win more than four games in 2009.

1. Their schedule is the stuff of nightmares
Let's go right to the numbers.

The Bucs will play only three teams with 2008 losing records.

The Bucs will play 11 games against quarterbacks who put up more than 3,000 passing yards last year, plus Tom Brady.

The Bucs will be forced to defend 11 receivers who had at least 1,000 yards receiving, plus six more who were on the happy side of 900.

The Bucs will play seven playoff teams.

Tampa Bay will have to overcome those numbers without once having back-to-back home games. Granted, their game against New England in Old England is counted as a home game, but when you've got to fly 4,000 miles to go home, how rested can you expect to be?

2. A near-total lack of a passing game
The Buccaneers have had nine unique starting quarterbacks since 2002.

There's no clear-cut starter this season. Why should there be when your choices are ossified Brian Griese, broken Byron Leftwich, hilariously under-experienced Luke McCown, Div. I-AA wunderkind and Jon Gruden vanity draft pick Josh Johnson, and rookie and Raheem Morris vanity draft pick Josh Freeman?

Even if one of those five earns starting honors by means other than being least awful, who is he going to throw the ball to down field?

Two of Tampa Bay's top three receivers (Ike Hilliard and Warrick Dunn) are gone.

Their fourth-best receiver, Michael Clayton, moves to number two by default. His stats last year (38 receptions, 484 yards, 1 touchdown) were the best he's done since his break-out rookie season of 2004 (80 receptions, 1,193 yards, 7 touchdowns), but still a ways off.

The Buccaneers are left with Antonio Bryant and... who, exactly?

3. Dumb Luck

If Lady Luck can smile on Tampa Bay, she can sure as shooting ruin their season, too. Let's see how that might play out.

1) Cadillac Williams could continue to underperform. It might not be fair at this point to call him a bust since he has had to have a third knee installed, but if he can't get back to rookie form, the Bucs' run game will suffer.

2) The Falcons reinstate Michael Vick. Without Derrick Brooks to spy on Vick, he runs wild through a defense that, last December at least, looked porous at best. The rabid (har!) PETA protestors are pacified when Vick poses nude for an animal-rights billboard overlooking the I-85/ I-20 interchange in downtown Atlanta.

3) Turnovers. Of the two Tampa Bay quarterbacks with any real experience under center, neither one has a truly stellar touchdown-to-interception ratio. Let Griese or Leftwich start throwing picks and suddenly you're looking at the worst thing the NFL has to offer: Chris Berman playing highlights going "Whoop!" as a defender flies past a Griese arm tackle.

Misery's the river of the world: a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan reflects

People are always asking me why I support the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Well, maybe not in exactly those words.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Are you high?”

“No son of mine is a Yucks fan!”

A guy in a faux-dive hipster bar in Brooklyn in 2005 insinuated I liked the Bucs only after Jon Gruden arrived and took the team to the Super Bowl. I insinuated we could take the conversation outside if he wanted to see if I bled crimson and pewter.

Actually, I bleed orange and white as a result of exposure to the sun’s radiation reflected a thousand times over off the bleachers in the Big Sombrero at a young age.

How, then, to answer the question? What the hell is wrong with me? It’s simple.

Every American loves an underdog.

I love the underdog, and I really love schadenfreude, a German word which translates to “satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.”

Let me give Detroit Lions fans an example: feeling glum because your team went 0-16 last season? Well, it’s not as bad as 0-26, which the Bucs were across two seasons starting in 1976, their first year.

How can a Bucs fan take pleasure in that misfortune? The Bucs aren’t the Saints or the Cardinals, the first two teams who lost to the Bucs, an act so unforgivable both teams’ head coaches were fired afterwards. Ah, satisfaction.

Eagles fans can forever rest uneasy knowing the Bucs closed out their beloved Veterans Stadium with a playoff win January 19, 2003 and then opened the new Lincoln Financial Field with another win September 8, 2003.

Every team in the league can quake in fear of the "Tampa Bay Curse," which states that any team which loses to the Bucs in the regular season will not go on to win the Super Bowl.

But it’s not all schadenfreude directed at other teams for me. I also take a sick pleasure in seeing the bumbling Bucs.

Up until Michael Spurlock took a kickoff 90 yards for a touchdown in 2007, I could look forward to seeing a graphic on the TV screen telling me this was, say, the 1,779th kickoff the Bucs had fielded without returning one for six.

Other teams have their best seasons led by names like Troy Aikman, Peyton Manning, Bob Griese, or Joe Montana. The lone Super Bowl quarterback in Buccaneers history is Brad Johnson, and he was outscored by his own defense that game.

It’s not that Brad Johnson is the best quarterback to ever play for Tampa Bay, either. Doug Williams, Steve Young, and Trent Dilfer were drafted by the Bucs before winning Super Bowls elsewhere.

Vinny Testaverde could have been Tampa’s Brett Favre, the only Bucs quarterback anyone under, say, age 25, would remember playing.

Bo Jackson’s not a quarterback, but don’t get me started.

Those were the bad old Hugh Culverhouse days, but even after his death the team struggled.

Tony Dungy couldn’t coach his teams to a championship.

Jon Gruden coached Dungy’s team to a championship then went 7-9, 5-11, 11-5, 4-12, and 9-7.

The Bucs were 9-3 heading into December last year, but messed the bed, finishing 9-7.

Gruden wound up fired.

Phew. That’s a lot of self-directed schadenfreude.

But isn’t that what fans need? Don’t we need the lows to balance out the highs?

Patriots fans fully expected a return to the Super Bowl at the start of last season, despite posting the worst 18-1 record in sports history the year before. Tom Brady’s knee got blown out in week one and all of Beantown was swearing vengeance on “the fackin’ dahkie who done this to ya, Tawm.”

Steelers fans thought Ben Roethlisberger was set for back-to-back championships in 2006. Everyone but Big Ben will remember 2006 as the year of the concussion for Roethlisberger. Roethlisberger will remember 2006 once stem cell technology allows for repairing damaged brain tissue.

Being a Buccaneers fan keeps my blood pressure down. The wins are so much sweeter when your team is expected to lose. And if they do lose, no big deal, they weren’t supposed to anyway, right?

Despite the rich tradition of losing, I have always been and always will be a Bucs fan. It warms the soul to be a litmus test of terrible for other teams, while providing enough barbs to needle other fans with, and that is truly a unique fan experience in the NFL.

Plus they have a freakin' pirate ship in the freakin' stadium.

5 Questions Somebody Ought to Ask Jerramy Stevens

In the world of sports there are sinners and there are saints. Celebrated saints include Danny Wuerffel, Tim Tebow, and...I guess Drew Brees? On the sinners side, you have Albert Haynesworth teaching us about sportsmanship, Adam "Pacman" Jones giving lessons on meteorology, and Michael Vick educating the public on animal husbandry.

Unfortunately, sportswriters are often reluctant to grill these criminals about their misdeeds. It's sadly understandable, though: ask the wrong guy the right question and suddenly your organization is locked out of practices and games. Or maybe they're just afraid of Haynesworth stomping their faces in.


As a result, the world is full of empty questions and empty information. "Got any mildly inflammatory rhetoric for [hated division rival]?" "How about that [showboating wide receiver all over SportsCenter]?" "Coach, any vague comments on [underachieving first-round draft pick/injured veteran/Brett Favre]?"

What we need is someone with balls.

So these suggested questions aren't for the gainfully employed sportswriter with a pretty face. This is for the guy getting laid off next week. With the economy in the toilet and the newspaper industry crashing and burning faster than the Hindenburg, there's got to be someone out there with nothing to lose. Not me, though; I'm just starting out in the biz.

So to you, the disgruntled reporter facing "right-sizing," I offer you this list of five questions for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' Jerramy Stevens. Knock back a shot of liquid courage and dive on in.

1. You played quarterback in high school. Did it frustrate you back then when receivers would drop easy catches like you do now?

2. You've been charged with reckless driving and driving under the influence a handful of times. Your salary is listed as just under $656,000. Why can't you afford to hire a driver or at least call a cab when you're intoxicated?

3. The Seattle Times reported you had some problems with complaints lodged against you from your condominium board including setting off fireworks, having loud parties/fights at all hours, vomiting on doors, double parking, and leaving used condoms on other residents' decks. Does the University of Washington still have etiquette classes?

4. Speaking of Washington, did you have anything to do with the drugging of the girl you raped or was that just you being in the right place at the right time?

5. How do you sleep at night?

NFL Week 11 Predictions

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UCF vs. Southern Miss Football

The University of Central Florida Knights scored first on Saturday, but after a first quarter touchdown pass from freshman quarterback Rob Calabrese they would not score again in a Homecoming Day 17-6 loss to the University of Southern Miss.
That the Knights (2-7, 1-4 C-USA) struggle on offense is nothing new, but what is emerging is a troubling lack of defense, as the offense cannot keep them off the field.
"We have a bunch of kids on defense that are making some things happen, and way too many players on offense that aren't making things happen," Head Coach George O'Leary said. "We sure had our opportunities today in the passing game to move the ball down the field, and we just didn't get it done. I feel bad for the senior class who have given everything for four years here and lose their bowl opportunity."
Another problem facing the Knights is senior punt returner Joe Burnett being taken out of the game. Opposing teams realize his ability to make plays and now kick away from him.
"Everyone is doing it, and there is not much you can do to help him out," O'Leary said. "They are basically squibbing it, or kicking it away from him every time. We continue working on stacking the returners and try to switch it up. That is a credit to him that they have that much respect for him and what he has done."
Southern Miss (4-6, 2-4 C-USA) was able to score in each quarter after the first. The Golden Eagles racked up a total of 338 yards on offense, including 188 yards through the air on 21 completions in 34 attempts with no interceptions against an unusually subdued UCF secondary.
One possible silver lining for the Knights is that the score was not 23-6 at the whistle. UCF junior linebacker Chance Henderson blocked a second quarter Britt Barefoot field goal attempt, and Barefoot missed another one from 42 yards out in the third.
The Knights started the game much as they did last Sunday's flop against East Carolina. The defense forced Southern Miss to punt on their first possession, the eighth time in nine games this season an opponent has failed to score on their opening drive.
The offense took over backed up to their own 9-yard-line. Freshman runningback Brynn Harvey ripped off a 28-yard run on UCF's first offensive play. Moving quickly down the field with Calabrese passes to redshirt sophomore receiver Brian Watters and sophomore receiver Kamar Aiken for 15 and 19 yards respectively, and allowing Harvey to grind it out on the ground, the Knights were at the Southern Miss 3-yard-line in eight plays. On third down, sophomore receiver Khymest Williams caught a 3-yard Calabrese fade in the corner of the end zone.
"You've got to have something go wrong," one fan noted after kicker Daren Daly banged the extra point off the upright, leaving the score 6-0.
And that was it for the Knights' offense.
Henderson's field goal block in the second quarter kept the score 6-0 and gave the Knights a chance to widen the gap before the half. Instead, on 2nd-and-7, Calabrese threw an interception to Southern Miss' Eddie Hicks who was the only player near the ball.
The Golden Eagles worked their way down to the UCF 5-yard-line and quarterback Austin Davis lofted a fade to receiver DeAndre Brown for six.
Barefoot made good on the point-after attempt and the score was 7-6.
The third quarter was the nail in the coffin for UCF.
The Knights started the second half with possession and, following a false start penalty on redshirt freshman Adam Nissley, went three-and-out.
Southern Miss managed to get to the UCF 25 on their next possession, leading to Barefoot's second missed field goal of the game.
UCF took over on downs, and after a 12-yard pass to Watters, again went three-and-out.
It was all Southern Miss for the rest of the third quarter.
Taking over on their own 15 with 9:02 left in the third, the Golden Eagles marched down the field on a 17-play, 85-yard scoring drive that ate 8:57 off the clock. The scoring play was an 8-yard run by quarterback Austin Davis, who stretched the ball into the endzone before being wrapped up, making it 14-6.
"I think we had third down opportunities that you have to make plays on," O'Leary said about the drive. "We had to put a freshman in for Chance Henderson, and that is where they completed the [16-yard] pass. Again, it was a tough game and defense was on the field a lot, but that is why they are on scholarship."
The Knights started the fourth quarter with a 27-yard Calabrese pass to Aiken. Calabrese took a hard shot to the back on the play, and redshirt freshman Michael Greco came in. He threw three incomplete passes and sophomore punter Blake Clingan again came on the field, followed again by the Knights' defense.
The defense held Southern Miss, and the Barefoot punt was downed at the UCF 45.
Calabrese was healthy again and it showed as he too threw three incomplete passes. The defense came back on after 24 seconds of rest on the sideline.
Southern Miss again showed their ability to manage a game as they went 71 yards in 11 plays, setting up a 29-yard Barefoot field goal to make it a two-possession game at 17-6.
Showing a drive and willingness to win on the next possession, Calabrese was stuffed on a 4th-and-1 quarterback keeper.
Calabrese threw his second and final interception of the game with 1:56 left in the game and Southern Miss kneeled to run out the clock.
O'Leary was asked about the possibility of starting third-string freshman quarterback Joe Weatherford.
"He is number three right now in the program," he said. "I know [quarterbacks coach] George Godsey is getting him some reps in practice and trying to see where he is going. I think based on what happens in the next part of the season, then you will see his name pop up on the field. Again, as I have told the team, we are out to win football games. I think the guys who are playing, are the ones who are supposed to be on the field. We haven't missed anyone."
With this, the seventh loss of the season, the Knights are eliminated from bowl contention. Senior safety Jason Venson offered his thoughts on how UCF will stay motivated through the final three games.
"Pride, the game of football is a prideful game," Venson said. "We are going to go out there and play each other, especially for the seniors and go out there and win our last three games in college football. We can't get a winning season so all we can do is go out there and play for pride."
UCF has a two-game away stretch at Marshall (Nov. 15) and Memphis (Nov. 22) before closing out the season against UAB at home.

NFL Week 10 Predictions

Ugh. Now we begin the part of the season with football on Thursdays. And not the good kind of Thursday football, where it's Thanksgiving and the Lions play early and the Cowboys play in the afternoon; the kind of Thursday football that was revealed to Tom Landry and Curly Lambeau by Football Allah (who looks an awful lot like John Madden). No, this is the NFL at its worst, showcasing games on their own network which isn't carried by five of the top seven cable providers and Football Allah's mercy on anybody who tries to post highlights anywhere that isn't NFL.com. Plus it once involved something called "Bryant Gumble." Whatever that is.
Anyway, picks. Let's have 'em.


Denver at Cleveland - The Browns. They are terrible.

True Americans know that the best football is played on Sundays. They also know the best sex is with a bald eagle in the missionary position.
New Orleans at Atlanta - As a Bucs fan, it'll be nice to not have to worry about another 6-3 team in the conference.
Tennessee at Chicago - Sorry, Sexy Rexy. The Houston Oilers are going 16-0 this year.
Jacksonville at Detroit - Two weeks ago I predicted the Jags would be 6-3. I'll excuse that error by claiming dyslexia after they fall to 3-6.
Baltimore at Houston - The Ravens are on a hot streak. Also, doesn't Flacco sound like something being pimped by Billy Mays on daytime television? "Buy now and we'll send you a second Flacc-O FREE!"
Seattle at Miami - The Dolphins are light-years ahead of where they were last season, but I think the 2007 'Fins could beat the 2008 'Hawks.
Green Bay at Minnesota - After this win, it's gonna be awesome hearing all the bloated cheeseheads complaining about Brett Favre selling the Packers' secrets to the Vikings. What secret? For the past 15 seasons in Green Bay the secret was "Brett Favre throws an INT each quarter at a crucial point, then unloads like five 79-yard TD passes in the final four minutes." Boom. I just won Coach of the Year.
Buffalo at New England - I can't possibly hate on the Pats enough.
St. Louis at New York Jets - Oops. I just gave away the Jets' game plan. I hope Jim Haslett never reads this or else the Jets are in troub- wait, no, they're playing the Rams. The Jets will still win.
Carolina at Oakland - Why not?
Indianapolis at Pittsburgh - Indy gets Bob Sanders back and the Colts are far and away a better team with him on D.
Kansas City at San Diego - After this season, the NFL should disband the AFC and NFC West.
New York Giants at Philadelphia - The Giants are certainly playing like they want to repeat as champions. I wish them many years of success. Specifically, many more than the Patriots had.

And as for Monday:
San Francisco at Arizona - Remember how last season Joe Theisman and Tony Kornheiser always seemed one smart-allecky comment away from laying into each other on "Monday Night Football"? I bet a really good way for Kornheiser to get Theisman to swing first would've been to say "Hey, Joe, break a leg," right as they went on the air.