NFL Week 10 Predictions

Forward, Comrades! Venceremos!

An election happened. America died. I'm a liberal who lives in a swing state. Rather than vote for my preferred candidate I chose Obama. I'm not proud of it, per se, but I'm happy Mitt Romney didn't win. So pour yourself a drink and let's do some football picks.

Last week: 11-3
Season: 84-48

Thursday
Indianapolis (5-3) at Jacksonville (1-7) - Jacksonville is 3-0 against Peyton-Manning-less Indy. These teams met earlier in the year and the Jaguars won on a literal last-minute touchdown. The Colts are clicking now, though. In the last three games they've allowed a total of 46 points, and Andrew Luck set a rookie passing record last week. As such, I'm making this my Stone Cold Tighten Up Lock it Down Lock it Up Can't Miss You Better Believe It LOCK OF THE WEEK.

Sunday
NY Giants (6-3) at Cincinnati (3-5) - The G-Men were on a four-game winning streak prior to last week's loss to the Steelers. The Bungles are on a four-game losing streak, including three straight at home. Look for that streak to continue while the Giants start a new win streak.

Tennessee (3-6) at Miami (4-4) - Reginald Bush has to be excited to face a weak Titans run defense, while Davone Bess and Brian Hartline are no doubt excited to face a weak Titans pass D. Whoever gets legitimately raped by the Dolphins, be it the secondary or the the front seven, the Titans don't have a way of shutting the whole thing down.

Detroit (4-4) at Minnesota (4-4) - Two NFC North teams meeting in the middle as one heads down and t'other heads up. The Lions were 1-3 to start the year while the Vikings were 3-1, but they've gone 3-1 and 1-3 respectively in their last four games. Christian Ponder has been erratic and without Percival J. Harvin, III he'll be more so.

Buffalo (3-5) at New England (5-3) - Fun fact: in the past 18 games these teams have played, the Patriots are 17-1. Tom Brady threw three TDs and rushed for another when these teams met in Week 4.

Atlanta (8-0) at New Orleans (3-5) - This is going to be a great game. Both teams will air it out all afternoon but I think the Falcons get the edge.

San Diego (4-4) at Tampa Bay (4-4) - Fun fact: if it weren't for the Chiefs, the Chargers would be 0-6 in their last six games. Tampa's rookie Doug Martin has rushed for 465 yards in his past two games alone. While he won't be able to put up 200+ yards for a third week in a row, the combination of Martin and a decent passing game ought to be enough to give the Bucs the edge in this one.

Denver (5-3) at Carolina (2-6) - Peyton Manning is Peyton Manning, basically. In his past three games the Broncos have scored 100+ points. In his past five games, he's thrown three TD passes with a 76% completion percentage and a 316 yards/game average.

Oakland (3-5) at Baltimore (6-2) - Doug Martin has been compared to Ray Rice. Doug Martin went apeshit on the Raiders last week. Ray Rice is Ray Rice. Ray Rice will go apeshit on the Raiders this week.

NY Jets (3-5) at Seattle (5-4) - The Seahawks are perfect* at home this season. The Jets are 1-4 in their last five games. If the Seahawks' defense can give Aaron Rodgers trouble, they won't have much trouble putting Mark Sanchez on his back.

Dallas (3-5) at Philadelphia (3-5) - Boy, who's the less-shitty mess in this matchup? Home team gets the nod here.

St. Louis (3-5) at San Francisco (6-2) - The Rams have only scored 41 points in their last three games. That ain't good when they're going against a team that has allowed 0, 3, 6, and 3 points in their last four wins.

(SNF) Houston (7-1) at Chicago (7-1) - Now this is a fine way to cap a Sunday full of football. Houston is scoring a second-best 29.6 points per game. Chicago, no doubt helped by last week's 51-point stomping of the Titans, is third-best with 29.5 points per game. Defensively, both teams are in the top five in any number of metrics (points per game, yards per game, total yards, etc.) This one will be decided by a turnover (or two), and while the Texans are doing fine with 14 takeaways (and a +8 differential), the Bears have twice as many; 28 takeaways for a +16 differential. This is going to be a flipping amazing game.

Monday
Kansas City (1-7) at Pittsburgh (5-3) - And here you have a greasy turd of a game. The dumpster fire that is the Chiefs' offense heads to Pittsburgh to get murdered by the league's best defense. You want turnover differential? Kansas City's is NEGATIVE TWENTY. That's really, really bad.

Bye weeks: Arizona, Cleveland, Green Bay, Washington